The Carolinian [April 1, 1964]

              Happy
April ^Jre Carolntf<m Fool,
Fools
®
VOLUME XXXXIII April University of North Carolina at Greensboro—April 1. 1964 Fool NUMBER 16
OrnamantajOliveiy Winsome Wilkinson Crumble For Crown
Singletary Gives Lollipop Payola m^/m*mm^HerbApple Fetes Queen
In Dining Extravaganza In the recent Bobby Baker Sen-ate
Hearing, members of the gal-lery
were amazed to hear Baker
refer to Otis Singletary, Chancel-lor
of the University as "My Boy,
the Big 'O'" Although the session
quickly was moved to a closed
session in one of the Senate ante-chambers,
the Implication had
been established. Chancellor Sln-fletary
has been connected direct-ly
with the Bobby Baker fraud
case.
BIG "O"
Interested in confirming the
story and unable to wring any
more information from Baker, who
merely looks mysterious when re.
ferring to the Big "O", the CAR-OLINIAN
sent this reported to
interview the Chancellor.
Dr. Singletary received the in-terviewer
very cordially in the
Alexander Room of Elliott Hall.
He sat on the podium; I was re-quested
to sit at the conference
table in the rear of the room.
IMAGINATION PLAYS
First of all the Chancellor was
asked his opinion of the Bobby
Baker case. "I'm sorry," he re-plied,
"but the case does not exist.
As far as I am concerned Bobby
Baker is a figment of the imagi-nation.
Now if you will excuse
me . . ."
The Chancellor then was asked
about the television set that my-steriously
appeared in front of his
front door last year. He remained
silent. Then he was asked about
the supply of free lollipops he has
been distributing at faculty meet-ins
since last September.
DIPLOMACY
"I am sorry," the Chancellor
replied, but in the words of my
r.fccmed friend. Herbert J. Apple.
I do not have very much com-ments
to make.'"
Showing the diplomacy that is
associated with his name. Dr. Sin-zletary
never refused to answer
my questions. Rather, he contin-uously
beat around the bush He
kept reminding me and insisted
that I remind the rest of the
CARY staff that "you girls have
come here for an education. Let
us not lose sight of that fact."
STATE OF CAMPUS
Discovering that the Chancellor
had no politcal comments to make.
turned to the state of the campus around campus is false. He has not
as a topic for discussion. Chan- | and does not plan to replace Char-cellor
Singletary was not disturb- lie Mclver's statue with one of
ed at the formation of a new club i himself. "Greatness," the Chancel,
on campus. ]or stated wlth dlgm,y ..,s assess.
"I doubt," he said, "that the
constitution of the UNCG chapter
of the Black Muslims ever will
receive the consent of legislature.
I, of course, have no personal
objections to the group, or any
UNCG student group that wishes
to meet on campus."
SINGLETARY MEMORIAL
The Chancellor wishes to an-nounce
that the rumor circulating
cd by future generations." For that
reason the new Fine Arts Building
will not be known immediately as
the Singletary Memorial.
The Chancellor snorted at the
suggestion that he controls legis-lature.
"Legislature is not my
pawn." he insisted. "I do not tell
Charlotte Vestal what to do. I
merely suggest her course of ac-
Contlnued on Pare Three
Homo Blahphytes Find
Home On College Campi
BY MAMIE MEEN
Dr. John Doenosc, distinguished
professor from Recb College, will
be doing research on our campus
during the month of April. Dr.
Doenose, head of the Department
of Archaeology and Anthropology
at Rceb, is gathering data for an
extremely complicated project.
Receiving his Ph.D. from Har-vard,
where he graduated second
in his class. Dr. Doenose is also
a member of Phi Beta Kappa. He
is noted for his work in his field
and has taken part in several ex-peditions
to Greece and the Near
East.
HOMO BLAHPHYTE
In commenting on his work. Dr.
Doenose revealed that his study
will undertake to define a recent-ly
discovered mutation in the hu-man
species, home blahphyte. This
new entity can be distinguished
by several features.
"Homo blahphyte," states Dr.
Doenose, "Is most easily recog-nized
during the years it spends
on college campuses. After this
age, blahphyte Is once more sub-merged
in normal society where It
is barely distinguishable."
Dr. Doenose believes that the
percentage of blahphytes In any
given segment of the student pop-ulus
may be as high as 96'"'. For
comparison, he has divided the
remaining 4Cr Into two groups:
homo amleus and homo inamicus.
"BLAH" CHARACTERISTICS
In discussing the marks of a
blahphyte, Dr. Doenose gave these
facts. A "blah" has no memorable
facial features Its lips, due to a
mutation of the genes, have failed
to separate, thereby eliminating
any possibility of Intelligible
speech.
The habits of homo blahphyte
are not noticably different from
those of ordinary students. In fact,
states Dr. Doenose. "they are bare,
ly noticeable at all."
Homo blahphyte has remained
undiscovered for so long a period
by reason of the fact that it never
distinguishes itself in any activity.
Its existence is, in fact, as color-less
as Its efforts at communica-tion.
MANY "BLAHS" HERE
When asked why he chose
UNCG as one of his research
areas, Dr. Doenose replied that
our university was reputed as
having an abundance of homo
blahphytes within the student
body. Dr. Doenose, after being
here a few days, stated that he
believes this to be true.
After completing his research
here. Dr Doenosc plans to visit
other Institutions before writing
his treatise. While on campus, Dr.
Doenosc will also give a scries
of lectures entitled "Blahphytlsm
and SGA."
SGA President Cracks Under Election Strain
'You'll never turn me in. so- third floor of the Infirmary. To president ordered three minutes of
cial court or no social court." says that the sudden nervous I reverent silence In the soda shop.
These were the last words wit- breakdown upset the campus is an ; BLACK OUT
■MM heard from Anne Prince understatement. In recognition of
belore the chief of the Campus the succumbing of a great leader,
Cops carted Miss Prince to the Charlotte Vestal, acting SGA
There has been an official black
nut on the state of Miss Prince's
health. Therefore to extract all
pertinent information about the
story, the CARY grilled Glcnda
Sutton. executive secretary of So-cial
Court. Miss Sutton stated that
she was unsure as to why Miss
Prince became violent and was
hesitant to rcvral lurid details.
Miss Sutton did state that her
court had been watching Miss
Prince for some time.
Reporters were unable to elicit
] further Information from Miss
Sutton who was in the midst of sjStance. They too began jumping
planning a spv attack on Jane F. !up and aown on Miss Llttlclady.
Johnson, o^.m Kathcrlnc Taylor one of them WM heard screaming
House, and will be the personal
guest of the owner. Herbie Apple.
The Queen also will be awarded
a free wardrobe, compliments of
the basement store of Sears and
Roebuck Company. As an extra
attraction, the city fathers of
Jackson, Mississippi have invited
the queen down for a quick scenic
tour of the area. One of the cand-idates
has stated that if elected,
she cares not to Indulge In the
last added attraction.
WILLOWY WILKIE
Miss Wilkinson is the daughter
of Mrs. Harold Wilkinson of
Statesvllle. She made her debut on
the football field during high
school homecoming her senior
year. Her hobbies are cooking,
sewing, going to cocktail parties,
and listening to Jan. Her favorite
recording stars are Earl Scruggs
and Lester Flatt. When not study-ing
Confederate history, which Is
her major, the personable Miss
Contest finalists Barbara Wilkinson and Diana Oliver Wilkinson can be found amusing
are caught off-guard beside the lovely Elliott Hall pool. | herself at the Red Door.
When asked what she particular-ly
liked and disliked about this
campus, Miss Wilkinson replied: "I
like the sister song and all those
marvelous friendly girls who at-tend
UNCG." She dislikes the
grass in front of the library and
those naughty librarians who
clump around the stacks in high
heels. She also dislikes all the
books in the library because she
Misses Barbara Wilkinson and never knows which ones to steal.
Diane Oliver were announced as I The popular Miss Wilkinson is a
finalists in the CAROLINIAN familiar face on campus. As Mar-
Search For Beauty. The staff has | ty Joe Hoover said of her: "I like
been searching for a long time j the way she writes." Miss Wilkin-now,
and the Queen will chosen by son has been In "millions of beau-secret
ballot later today. ty contests," serving most recently
The winner will be given a com- as Sweetheart of Lamba, Laraba,
plctc free meal at the Apple Lamba Chapter of Gamba. Gamba,
Tuesday Brawl Wreaks Havoc
On Pancaki's Parquet Floors
Three thousand students were
Injured this week in a brawl which
began as Elliott Hall's weekly
"Tuesday Tea." Twelve tea carts
were wrecked: ten tables were
splintered: and thousands of dish-es
were broken.
Hundreds of glass ash trays full
of lighted cigarettes were crush-ed
and ground into the PRECIOUS
Parquet Floor of Cone Ballroom.
Estimates of the damage done run
into octillions of dollars.
NOODLE SALAD DID IT
The trouble began when Pris-cilia
Llttleday, a student, bit into
one of the noodle salad sandwiches
being served. Reacting violently
to the taste, Miss Littlelady threw
the sandwich at Miss Elfira Pan-caki.
Director of Elliott Hall, who
happened to be pushing a tea carl
past at the unfortunate moment.
Enraged by Miss I.lttleday's ac-tion.
Miss Pancaki backed off,
then charged ahead pushing the
tea cart at full speed over Miss
Littlelady. Miss Pancaki, glowing
with a look of sadistic relish, then
jumped up and down on Miss
Littlelady who lay prone on the i
Parquet Floor.
Pandemonium broke loose when
several House Counselors noticed
the fight. Eight of them raced
herd to Miss Pancaki's as-sccne
with excited delight :.nd
were heard to yell such remarks
as. "Go. Miss Pan!". "Let 'em
have 't, ladles!", and "Throw the
piano at "cm!"
KAT CALMS FRUITS'
The battle finally ended when
Dean Kitty Kat arrived. Dean Kat
hurled the punch bowl, still full
of saltpeter punch. Into the midst
of the screaming, fighting females
and shouted, "Now cut that out,
you Fruits!" Recognizing the v'olce
of their leader, all promptly stop-ped
fighting and stood at atten-tion
except for Miss Pancaki and
Miss Littlelady who were unable
to stand at all.
Miss Littlelady was taken to
the University Infirmary where
she was treated for a head cold.
Miss Pancaki was taken to a hos-
Gamba.
DAFFY DIANE
Miss Oliver is the daughter of
Mr. and Mrs. William Oliver of
Charlotte. Her hobbies include
cooking, sewing, going to" cocktail
parties, and listening to Jazz. When
not participating |n these activities
Continued on Page Three
o
Uniform Rules Make
Campus A Healthier
Happier, Safer Home
Court of Social Regulations has
set up a committee to settle the
problems that arise continuously
and repeatedly over certain social
rules.
One of the main problems has
been concerned with students
walking through locked dlors. They
absolutely must be made to realize
the importance of opening these
doors first. The repair bill has
been absolute outrageous.
DOOR DESTRUCTION
Part of the problem has arisen
because of the inconsistency in the
time for locking these dorm doors.
At present the right end door
closes at 7:23 p.m.. the left end
at 9:37 p.m., the basement door
at 6:18 p.m. and the main door at
anywhere from 11:48 p. m to 12:03
Continued on Page Three
Vesper Services, Sex
Highlight '64 Follies
Tonght at eight-thirty in Ay- her own lovely creations, a fuscia
cock Auditorium the House Coun- [and Hold chiffon, strapless thlgh-selors
will present their annual length gown. Mrs. Johnson will
variety show, which they havcl'o'low with a solo on the banjo,
ntltled the Senior Citizens Follies.
Mrs. Chester Arthur will be the
Mistress of Ceremonies. (She gets
kidded a lot about her name.)
Mrs Aldinc Bealc, thcr friends
call her just plain "Al "I will be-gin
the show with a tap dance to
pltal In the city where she is still I the flashy tempo of The Blue
semi-conscious and muttering In-1 Danube. She will be accompanied
coherently about "Love" and ion the banjo by Mrs. Ruthle John-
Parquet Floors." | son. Mrs. Bealc will wear one of
The photographer captured a dramatic moment m the life
<*/ Anne Prince, before she was rushed to the mfirviary and
P«< under heavy sedaton.
was the ne*t resource person.
NO INFO
The Dean was unable to make
public any first hand Information
since the infirmary visltng hours
had ended, but Dean Taylor did
reveal copies of Dr. Eppel's con-
I fldcntlal report on Miss Prince's
state of mind.
j According lo the report, Miss
Prince was found in a catatonic
stupor, and diagnosed as phychotlc
with delusions of persectlon. Ac-cording
to Dr. Eppel, she kept
mumbling something about the
Knotts gang tracking her down.
Dr. Eppel expects Miss Prince
to recover "sooner or later." Mean-while.
Dean Taylor has promised
to keep the campus posted on the
stale of her health. Copies of Dr.
Eppel's dally report will be posted
on the Elliott Hall bulletin board.
"Take that, my dear! That'll teach
you to conduct yourself like a
lady!"
FOUR HOUR BATTLE
Four thousand students charged
forward to defend Miss Littlelady
but wc.e held off by Miss Pan-caki
and the House Counselors
who fired noodle salad sandwiches
at them in rapid succession.
The students held their ground,
and when the supply of noodle
salads began giving out, they en-
SGA Limits Courts' Fun
By Abolishing Handbooks
with her own Interpretation of the
piano interpretation of Handel's
Messiah.
Miss Falck, more commonly
known as "Fore Frannle," will
then demonstrate her top flight
golfing form by chipping a few
balls into the balcony with her
trusy 9-lron. Mrs. Eloise George
will act as Frannic's caddy in the
balcony, and return to the stage
to show slides of a past Vesper
Service In Mary Foust.
Mrs. Gladys Knight, better
known as "Happy." will follow this
by what Is considered the high-light
of the evening—her prize-winning
cobra, Morris, will devour
Legislature met In a special ses-, for this office since she worked; and digest, right there on stage,
slon last night after Miss Vestal last summer for the National Park [Mrs. Nancy Mclvin. who will later
consulted with Chancelor Single- In Alaska on their grass weeding return iwe hope) to give a dra-tary,
who felt It urgently needed, project. Miss Soyars stated that Imatie reading of a soliloquy from
The main Item of business for this it was necessary for the floor to Shaw's St. Joan.
session was the abolition of the be opened to the gallery so Miss Mrs Gillette will then proceed
handbook. Haver's roommate could speak, with a demonstration of her in-
As Miss Vestal called the meet- Without further discussion, the I famous blip-blip razor blade by
•
ing to order, the pages were j nomination was approved,
scurylng around, carrying notes | MUST BREAK RULES
from Dr. Hunt to Miss Montz. our I After a few other minor rule
political science major. In a usual changes, the body considered the
manner, the SGA force was out in , abolition of the handbook. Miss
full, but a mere quorum of mem- I Blggard presented the bill and in
bers was present. | speaking for the motion stated
UNUSUAL TRAINING [that "because of the increase in
The meeting began quite nor- the costs of University operation,
mally with Miss Elliot reading the it Is essential that we, as leglsla-minutes
and calling the role. There tors help alleviate this problem,
was some mix-up since the mem- Without handbooks, the University |
countered with p ckle-cream cook- [ bers continually gave the names . would save an enormous amount
ics. The battle raged on for nearly
four hours, the House Counselors
and Miss Pancaki fighting valiant-ly
against five tin "sand students.
The campus police were sum-moned
soon after Hie fight began
and were on hand throughout the
entire four hours. They viewed the
of those present, not knowing the |of money which is spent yearly,
absent members, and after half M:ss Abernathy spoke against the
the role was called it had to be bill, because we need rules to be
adj-.sted. broken, in fact It is our responsl-first
on the agenda was the bility to have them for the courts
acceptance of Miss Mirthy Haver I to function propc^. Otherwise
as grass cutting chairman. Miss this would end thAJreekly fun of
Haver has had unusual training | Continued on Page Three
performing an appendectomy on
Mrs. Lucy White, who has graci-ously
volunteered her abdomen.
But then, the audience will be
pleased to discover, Lucy will be
put back in tip-top shape by the
amazingly speedy needlework of
Mrs. Ruth Lott, who plans, we
hear, to use the same pink yam
she used to make the welcome mat
in front of her dorm.
Mrs. Estes will read her book
review on Sex and The Single
Girl while Mrs. Anne Carter pro-vides
the appropriate background
music on her fife with "Indian
Love Call."
A ten-mlnutc Intermission will
follow with cotton candy and gin
fizzes being served In the lobby
Continue* on Page Three